how do i say goodbye...oh with baking thats right

The ones we love the most always seem to be the ones who leave the deepest scars. I wanted to blog about this becasue i was so deeply hurt by a friend last week and it has left me baffled and paralyzed with sadness. Let me back track a few months back to july. I found out my friend ashley was going to have a baby and that she was so excited. Now her babys father, Matt, not so excited and very vocal about it. Well ashley finally saw matt for the douche he is and left him. Ashley is a very reclusive and introverted type of person but, her and i hit it off right away and when i heard what had happened i made it a point to be there for her. We started hanging out regularly and just talking about the future and all. Then the phone calls stopped and the texts never got answered. I was not too worried but finally i called her at work to see what the deal was. She was very rude and told me she had nothing to say and hung up. So i waited a few hours and texted to ask what the problem was and she said that she does not owe me any explanation and she can be the bitch now and to never contact her again. I was perplexed so i drove to her job to confront her and there in the front door of the cafe sat her boyfriend. i was SHOCKED....now let me back track and explain.. when she left him i told her some things that i knew and had kept from her because i did not want to be in the middle. Things that were oh so important, like he was a cocaine addict and i knew he had used when he told her he didn't. i also told her that he had asked me to find some for him. I am not sure what he has told her and since she refuses to talk to me i guess i will never know. I refuse to badger her becasue she is preg and i love her. So instead i just say a silent prayer for her to be safe and that maybe one day she will see the truth in her own eyes. What i am wondering is how to just walk from a friendship when i know that the friend is in the wrong place and that nothing good is going to come of it.
My fiancee said that i have to let it go and just let her live her life. I know this is true but its so hard to walk away without even having a reason. I guess this is her journey though and so to her i say GOOD LUCK and I LOVE YOU.
Now as the day wore on i got more and more depressed so i decided to do what i do best...thats right BAKE. I had some bananas that were oh so brown and yummy for baking so i went digging through some old books and found this great recipe from Williams and Sonoma kitchen collection Titled CAKES, CUPCAKES, AND CHEESECAKES. It was a gift from my sister and has all sorts of nifty little secrets and great cheesecake tips too. The one i decided to go with was banana chocolate chip. i tweeked the recipe to make it a little more my own of course and the results were fab! fab! fab! so here i present choconana cupcakes with maple cream cheese frosting and yes they were oh so good... the recipe called for less banana but i loved the flavor so much i am definitely keeping it at 5 insted of 3. so enjoy and talk at y all later Recipe for chconana cupcakes

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cups sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups very ripe mashed bananas about 5 med sized
1/2 cup melted butter 1 stick unsalted
1 large egg room temp
1 egg white whipped stiff
3 tbsp buttermilk, now i used sour cream and i loved the texture but both will work
1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips..dusted with flour

preheat oven to 350 and line muffin tins with 14 paper liners. in bowl sift all dry ingredients and set aside. mix mashed bananas, butter, and sour cream just til blended. add to dry mix and whisk til just combined DO NOT OVER BEAT. stir i chips til just mixed and then fold in white of egg gently. fill muffin cups 2/3 full and bake for 20 minutes. take out of pan and cool on rack completely.

for frosting beat 1 stick semi room temp butter and 1 8oz. pkg semi room temp cream cheese til smooth...add 3 3/4 cups powdered sugar and 1/4 cup pure maple syrup..mix til creamy.. add 1/4 cup well chopped walnuts and stir in.. keep in fridge til ready to use.

every day im hustlin

Wow i saw this little icon and i imeediately had to post about it. I am currently working again which, makes me feel so good about my life again. I actually am working two jobs to get caught up. Now on top of that and the baking to keep myself sane, I have two boys 12 and 9 who are over the summer time routine and in my face all the time whining I'M BORED!!! We all remember the routine. Summer camp is over and the friends they have are all getting on their nerves and then they in turn are on mine. SO to all you super mom's out there... here's to all of you..for without us you know all things would fall apart!!!!!

life and the fluffnananutter cupcake

Its been a while since i posted on here about anything other than food and i plan on sharing my recipe today but first let me say a few things.
This has been A ROUGH year for me. ever since november when i lost my job and could not find another i have been struggling to get back on my feet, and then WHAMMO, my fiancee got laid off from his job too. I was like oh my god WTF. why is this happening? Thats when i turned to blogging becasuse i needed an outlet to store all my creative thoughts. I loved telling about my new job and cooking and all. I even was offering a giveaway and entered a summer swap. Then WHAMMO..AGAIN....REALLY??? I was let go at the new job i found due to them finding out the building was foreclosing. Wow i could not believe it. I had no internet for a while and that was hard. My electric bill was exhorbitantly..(btw..they do cut you off at 1300.00) we were behind on our rent and things were starting to crumble again. During that time the blogging community was not so nice. I got ANONYMOUS emails saying i was a fake for offering something i never intended to send, and my summer swap partner will receive her summer gift this week, a month before FALL!!! I just had ZERO MONEY to send packages and really thought that people would understand. I was right for the most part..people are empathetic, but some were down right asses about it and so to those few i say this...

it"s easy to sit back and read recipes and look at cute pictures of fluffy dogs and really awesome cupcakes but the reality of it is behind those photos someone is having a real life. filled with bills, car payments, kids, jobs, jail, foreclosure, cancer, death, teenagers, unemployment, domestic violence, divorce, marriage, depression and love. So keep the "ANONYMOUS" comments to yourself and if you just have to say something then at least have the GONADS to say who you are. REAL FRIENDS STAB YOU IN THE FRONT!!!

Now onto my recipe for the day....... BANANA NUTTER CUPCAKES. these were an inspiration from my son alex whom actually wanted chocolate cupcakes with banana cream filling inside so i suggested peanut butter and he jumped on it. So at ten pm, while watching food networks chopped,.. we started on these cupcakes. my son basically measured everything and then i mixed the wett ingredients an he scooped them into the liners. we put them i the oven in small 6 coount batches to keep the heat steady and they came out nice and beautifuly brown. we scooped out the middles with an apple corer and then topped them with the fluff/peanut butter buttercream frosting




They were light and fluffy with just the right peanut butter flavor not overbearing. when you bit into it the cool banan cream is just the nicest hidden surprise and the fluff cream ties it all together. like a fluffer nutter with banana sandwich like my grandma used to make me...memories. So i present to you the FLUFFNANANUTTER cupcake!!!!